The Green Mistress
by bilaterus
Summary: Heinz has a new girlfriend: Caroline Fletcher, a green-haired British lady who seems to be head over heels in love with him. But who is she, really, and what secrets are hidden in her mysterious past? Join the crew on this epic journey that will span years and continents, emotions and inators, weaving a tale of action, drama, romance, mystery, and familiar PnF hijinks.
1. The Green Mistress

**Hey there! After having written or co-written fics of craziness levels ranging from the mild (Doof writing a Phinbella story) to mind-bending (authors and characters switching places) I thought a more normal fic was in order. But I'll leave you to be the judge of how normal this story is.**

**Enjoy!**

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_Pansy the Poodle didn't need binoculars to tell that the woman who was leaving the French holiday villa was Caroline: her impeccable posture, sharp business-like clothing, and, of course, her distinctive medium-length flowing olive hair, all identified her as the infamous Green Mistress. She had a simple, yet still stylish, black handbag hanging from her shoulder and she was calmly walking down the pathway from the villa towards the two agents in the car. The two looked at each other, both French and British agent aware of how critical this opportunity was. They nodded solemnly at each other, and then flung the car doors open and leapt out, ready to apprehend the Green Mistress._

_But she had already vanished._

_Simon the Skunk banged a paw against the car in frustration and the two agents rushed towards the gate where Caroline had been just moments before. Simon began to growl angrily but Pansy held up a paw and sniffed the air intently. After a few moments, she picked up what she was looking for: the unmistakable smell of the rich and sophisticated. Caroline's scent._

_Pansy began to follow her nose, Simon close behind, and they were led through the forest of trees that surrounded the villa. Pansy could feel the scent getting stronger, little by little, as they closed in on their target. But slowly, the trees began to thin out, and they soon found themselves in a bustling French marketplace._

_The two animal agents were surrounded by stalls selling fruits, breads, strong-smelling herbs and spices. There was a host of colours and smells that all served as distractions for the agents' senses. Caroline's scent seemed to have disappeared too. Pansy growled in frustration while Simon scanned the stalls frantically for their target._

_Then Pansy spotted a man selling little perfume bottles._

_The two agents rushed over to the stall and brandished a picture of Caroline in front of him. Slightly flustered, he confirmed the woman had just bought a particular bottle of perfume from him, 'Eau De Steak De Boeuf', a scent Pansy was acutely familiar with. But before the man could rope them into buying something, Pansy picked up the direction the new scent had gone and the two of them raced to follow it._

_They reached a fork in the road, but the scent seemed to go in both directions. After a moment's hesitation, Pansy pointed for Simon to check the right and she went left, where the scent was slightly stronger._

_On the left route, the scent quickly got more intense. Pansy could tell she was getting close. Her nose told her Caroline was right around the next corner. Pansy broke into a run, turned the corner, and leapt fiercely at the woman standing there..._

_Except it wasn't Caroline. Pansy looked down at the stumpy woman she had just tackled, and then up at the cafe the woman and what seemed to be her husband has just arrived at, both the husband and an angry waiter were both shouting in unintelligible French. She sniffed once more, to confirm her worst suspicions: yes, this woman was wearing the perfume too. Her nose had been tricked._

_Simon, meanwhile, had not been hopeful, but he turned a corner onto a main street and saw a flash of green hair halfway down it, among a scattering of people. Caroline turned and their gazes met for a moment, surprise flashing across her face as if she didn't expect him to follow her. Then she turned away and began walking briskly away from him. Simon sprinted towards her, getting close just as she disappeared into an alleyway. A few seconds later, he reached it too, and turned into it, expecting to see at least a flash of bright hair in his field of vision..._

_But the alleyway was a dead end, and there was nobody to be seen._

_The Green Mistress had escaped again._

* * *

"We don't know what Doof is up to, only that he's spending the day with that green-haired lady, so find out if he's up to anything evil and, if he is, put a stop to it. Monogram out."

Perry scarcely remembered that mission briefing from the morning; it was as much a part of his daily routine as brushing one's teeth and having breakfast. In fact, Perry was already flying towards Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, the morning air cool and refreshing. The image of the green-haired lady Monogram was referring to popped into his mind and he smiled, thinking back to the couple of memories he had involving her.

Caroline Fletcher. Doof's latest girlfriend and, surprisingly, one with whom the eccentric inventor had maintained a relationship for longer than one chapter (of his life, of course). Her most significant trait was, of course, her emerald-coloured hair, just like Ferb's. And she was quiet, just like Ferb. And she was good with tools, like Ferb.

_Huh, she's an adult woman version of_ _Ferb,_ Perry realised, as he turned his hovercar to land in a parking spot near the foot of the DEI building (Perry rarely crashed through the walls these days). _What are the odds?_

But more surprising than the rare, cartoon-like trait of striking similarity between two characters was how much she liked Doof. As he stood in the elevator, Perry thought back to how she had listened with such genuine fascination as Doof rambled about his numerous backstories and curious observations. And he remembered how she'd had a girlish fascination with one of Doof's inators as the two took a look under its hood. For such an apparently refined woman, she sure had a childish side.

"Hey, Perry the Platypus. Right on time, as always," Doof said cheerily. "We were just talking about you. You remember Caroline, right?"

He indicated towards her, and she gave Perry a smile and a little wave. She was wearing the same simple, striking dress as she wore last time, and Perry had to admit that the two of them together looked good. Happy. Even Doof's face seemed stuck in a permanent cheesy grin rather than his usual sinister one. Perry tipped his hat to Caroline in response to her little wave.

She really did seem familiar, but Perry couldn't place her.

"No time to trap you though, Perry the Platypus, Cat and I have an appointment at Paul Bunion's and we don't want to miss it. That's Caroline's nickname, by the way. 'Cat'. I like it, reminds me of my Great Aunt Cheshire Doofenshmirtz. Which is weird because she was allergic to cats. "

It was the first part of that mini-ramble that caused Perry to raise an eyebrow. _No trap?_

"And I've already given the whole backstory to Cat as we were building the device. Basically when I was young, I could always count on my local hairdresser to make my appearance even worse, and funnily enough, he's now moved his salon here, so behold, the Hairstylist-Doom-inator!"

Perry raised his other eyebrow. _No backstory either?_

But there was no time to decide whether he was glad or upset by that. The Doom-inator looked dangerous and, while he could thwart the scheme of any average day, Perry wasn't sure whether he could get through Caroline as well.

But she seemed passive enough. How slippery could she be?

With an impossible springiness, he leapt up at Doofenshmirtz, fist outstretched towards the scientist's prominent chin. It connected, sending him staggering backwards. Caroline swiftly moved to block his path, fists raised in a practised defensive stance. Perry hesitated. Could he hit her? But his hesitation lasted only for a moment, as she was, after all evil, and he began launching punches, kicks, and tail swipes in an attempt to break her defence.

But fighting her was a strange sensation. She defended professionally, but Perry got the sense that she was out of synch with her ability. She didn't try to fight back and hurt Perry either. Maybe she was rusty? The agent saw Doof struggling to his feet, massaging his sore chin, and resolved to get past Caroline. Faking a punch, Perry instead slid through her legs, making a mad dash for the inator.

But suddenly it began charging. Perry spun round and saw Caroline had a remote in hand pointed towards the inator, her finger firmly pressing the button on it. Instinctively, Perry knew he was too late to reach the inator.

The Hairstylist-Doom-inator began to hum threateningly in a rising tone. Perry realised with a start that he didn't even know what terrible thing the inator would do. He could only watch it fire a beam at the Hairdressers in defeat.

He winced and turned away, bracing himself for the resulting inevitable chaos...

But it never came. Cautiously, Perry turned towards the salon. It looked completely unaffected.

"Success!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed triumphantly. "Now their opening hours will be unfeasible for anyone wanting a haircut, and within no time at all, they'll be out of business!" He and Caroline high-fived, both childishly giddy with glee.

"Anyway, we better get going." Doof tossed a set of keys to Perry. "Feel free to destroy the inator. Lock up when you're done, Perry the Platypus. Thanks, you're a mensch."

And with that, the couple departed, neither looking away from the eyes of the other, leaving a thoroughly perplexed platypus in the middle of the apartment.

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**Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome!**

**Updates will be regular. Well, at least the first few chapters will be, since I have them written up, and posting this should encourage me to write more regularly... And of course, if you're from the future, you can click the next chapter immediately! Go on, it's a good one. It's got baby Caroline in it.**

**Take care.**


	2. The Nervous Scientist

**This chapter won't have baby Caroline in it, well, not fully. I decided to do some restructuring. Sorry! She definitely appears in the next.**

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_Worthington_ _Manor was a grand old building dating back to the 1800s, standing as solid evidence that, in England, there's good money in tea. The slogan, 'If it's not Worthington, it's not worth it' had burrowed its way into everybody's minds and Worthington was a household name. The building itself was maintained by Mr. and Mrs. Worthington's small force of 17 butlers, gardeners, and servants, but they hired another 2 when their daughter was born. _

_She was a beautiful baby girl, petite and perfect in proportions. Mr. and Mrs. Worthington expected great things from her, their first child who they would impart their entire lives' experience and wisdom to and mold into a remarkable woman. _

_But enough about Evangeline._

_Almost immediately after their daughter was born, the Worthingtons handed her off to the nursing maid. They did this so they could focus fully on the new advertising campaign that demanded their full attention. Worthington tea was, after all, facing an urgent crisis: the need to update the very image of tea-drinking itself to appeal to the new generation. Eventually, they cracked it, and Britons everywhere agreed with the billboards they had erected across the country; after all, nothing says 'Worthington Tea' like a monkey in a fedora._

_Flush with the success of the campaign, they returned home, only to find that Evangeline was already 4 years old. They marvelled at their daughter, already bright-eyed and with all the makings of a beautiful, refined woman. But Mr. and Mrs. Worthington did then regret missing the beginning of their little angel's life, and vowed not to continue the same mistake. Their recent marketing success gave them enough to celebrate, after all. _

_9 months later, Caroline was born. _

_After the dust settled in the ward, they noticed with shock that the tufts of hair on baby Caroline's head were green, rather than brown like Evangeline's. Fortunately, the doctor was quick to put their worries to rest: Caroline simply had the Main Character gene, a usually recessive trait that sometimes manifested itself as unusual hair (it was more common in regions of Japan). She was destined to be important. _

_Things seemed to line up perfectly for Mr. and Mrs. Worthington. Here was an opportunity for them to raise their daughter, properly this time, unlock her Main Character potential, and eventually pass on the entire Worthington empire to her. From there, as a Main Character, the sky was the limit. Would she bring Worthington to the whole world? Would she discover some new perfect tea recipe? Would she discover the legendary lost chalice of hot beverages, aptly named the holy grail? _

_They resolved to quit their roles at Worthington Tea and take the time to raise their daughters. _

_To their credit, they managed it for three years. But they had tea in their blood (perhaps even literally after all their time in the business) and raising a child turned out to be considerably less rewarding than they thought, so after that time, they began slipping into their old, comforting work routines. _

_And Caroline had started to disappoint them slightly. For they expected, as only fitting for a Main Character, that little Caroline would astound those around her with her uncanny ability to solve rubik's cubes or puzzle games, but it was not so; when they would tempt her with such things, she would play with them for a while, but do nothing spectacular. She knew how to talk from the usual age, but rarely did. A doctor later explained to them that they were confusing the Main Character gene with the so-called Mary Stu gene, a common mistake for the inexperienced; she would be a main character, not an incredibly beautiful supergenius who had perfect control over her emotions and could do everything she attempted perfectly on the first try._

_So the work-addicted Worthington parents began cheating on their children with their business duties. Slowly but surely, they gave less and less attention to their second daughter just as they had to their first. But their daughters were intelligent, right? Besides, Sebastian, was more than capable of raising them properly. And evil masterminds weren't born to rich parents. Right?_

* * *

Heinz was looking forward to tonight. Ok, it was just a charity dinner, and it was arranged by his brother Roger of all people, but for once he was actually looking forward to it. After all, this would be the first time he had a special someone to take to such an event that wasn't crazy about whales, didn't believe aliens had abducted her, and hadn't set him on fire. And there was that one who kept stabbing him with a fork. Well, the night was still young for the last couple, but he was optimistic about the outcome.

He wanted tonight to be special, and had gone to extra lengths to make it so. He'd spent hours on his appearance: carefully combing his hair neatly and gelling it in place, picking out a tuxedo that didn't have inator burn marks on it, making sure his breath didn't smell bad, applying his best aftershave. Heinz took a final look in the mirror and tried a seductive grin, which came out as a grimace that made even himself shudder.

This might be his last date with Caroline, after all.

It's not that he wanted it to end. The opposite, in fact. He and Caroline got on together like a house on fire, which Heinz thought was a very strange expression, and he wasn't sure whether he was the house or the fire, but it fit.

But he cast his mind back to one of his first dates in America, a woman named Sophie. She had been wonderful: smart, funny, pretty, and he was sure she had evil tendencies if he had just looked hard enough. They'd gone out to dinner and their soup had already arrived, but there was a problem.

"Ugh, There's a fly in my soup," she complained.

"Not to worry!" he had said, whipping out a small ray gun from his inside lab coat pocket. "I've been working on this Anti-Cliche Inator for a while now. Let me just..."

He had zapped the soup with his Inator. But to his horror, the fly merely mutated into an alligator. It leapt at Sophie, knocking the soup all over her.

"That's odd, I'm pretty sure this isn't my Turn-Into-An-Alligator Inator…" Heinz wondered. Sophie had fainted on the spot, and the alligator had gone on to cause a great deal of 'property damage' and create a 'public disturbance' and a bunch of other words that Heinz was now far too used to hearing.

It was then that Heinz started to realise that the universe may have hated him _ever _so slightly. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve that. But to Doof, that just meant he had to work twice as hard to keep Caroline!

Make that three times as hard. Cat was the best thing to happen to him since Vanessa. She was beautiful and sophisticated and delightfully evil and she loved self-destruct buttons... and she was a really great listener. Perry the Platypus swam into mind there, and Heinz felt a twinge of guilt at how little of his nemesis he'd seem the past couple of days. But eh, Perry was a mensch. He'd understand. Right?

Cat arrived, in a cream dress with green highlights that accentuated her olive hair. Heinz fumbled his way through a compliment and she giggled, that adorable little laugh of hers that Heinz couldn't get enough of, and they left with the self-conscious evil scientist recounting the time one of his dates showed up dressed as a duck and kept quacking loudly during inopportune points of the date.

They left DEI together. The hall that the charity event was being hosted at was only a couple of blocks away, so they'd agreed to walk the short distance. On their way, they passed a particularly cheerful person.

"Good evening," he said politely, in passing, with a small tip of his hat.

Heinz immediately spun around, furiously whipping a ray gun-like device out of his inner pocket and pointing it directly at the man. "Just keep walking, mister, or I'll send you to another dimension where there are babies everywhere! They'll be all screaming and crying… basically it's a total nightmare."

Terrified, the guy ran away. Heinz was panting angrily, worked up, as if he'd just been in a physical brawl. Caroline shot him a bewildered look. He then looked back sheepishly.

"Eheh… sorry about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck apologetically. "It's just that… well, once, I was about to go on a date, years ago. So me and this girl had just left my apartment. I think her name was Shaniqua - weird name, I mean, names with a 'q' in them are so awkward because you have to have a 'u' after it, essentially taking up two letters for one, but I digress."

Heinz took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, the point is, just as we were about to leave, this random incredibly handsome and manly biker shows up out of nowhere and she ended up riding away with him in no time. He totally stole my girl!"

Caroline couldn't help herself. She burst out in a giggling fit.

"H-Hey!" Heinz protested. "It was emotionally scarring, really!"

Heinz felt his mood lightening. Cat wasn't laughing _at _him, That was something he knew, not in the 'there are infinite prime numbers' kind of way, but in the 'today's going to be a good day' kind of way. Her unrestrained giggling meant that, even though the backstories in his past _were _emotionally scarring, they were still in the past, and maybe there was some good in them after all if his life was to work out in the end. It was therapeutic, actually, in a similar sort of way to monologuing to Perry the Platypus and turning them into evil schemes. It helped him deal with it.

He wasn't sure _why _she loved his stories so much, but this was one of the happiest times in his entire life, and he would go to the ends of another dimension to keep things that way.

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**I crave comments, compliments and constructive criticism.**

**Update will be in next Sunday at the latest (or just click next, future people). Take care!**


	3. The Two Sisters

**Early update, for you fellow people in the present!**

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Heinz and Caroline got to the hall without any further incidents or threats to teleport people to other dimensions, and were let in, albeit reluctantly, by the man at the door. Not that Heinz noticed the man's judgemental looks. He was too busy taking in everything about Caroline, his other half, the woman who filled the void in his life that he'd been trying to fill since childhood.

The hall was expansive, with a stage at the front and elegantly set circular tables spread across the room. Heinz and Caroline made their way to one of the fancy tables, their seats marked by little cards with their names 'Caroline Fletcher' and 'Hanz Doofyblatz'. He pointed out the mistake, venting about how it was almost a long-standing conspiracy against him by the universe, and they shared in laughing about it. It barely lasted in his memory now, where before it would have left a permanent mark, festering until it bubbled into an evil scheme.

_This... this is nice, _he thought. _I can get used to this. Yeah, Heinz Doofenshmirtz is on the up, baby!_

Then Heinz felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Heinz! So glad you could make it."

"Hello, _Roger_," the older brother scowled, turning to face his brother. "Just when I thought this might be a nice evening."

The mayor ignored this as something considerably more interesting caught his eye. "Well hello there," he purred, kissing Caroline's hand delicately. "Heinz, never told me he was bringing such a refined, educated, _sophisticated _guest. I must ask: did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

Caroline raised an eyebrow in surprise. Doof raised both of his eyebrows in shock. How could he have been so stupid? Letting himself be lulled into a false sense of security, let himself get his hopes up that the future was bright, only to be knocked back down. He was like a moth to a flame, with the moth being himself and the flame being… something. Even his metaphors were failing him now.

This was his Motorbike Model Moment, he just knew it.

Heinz clenched his fists. He wouldn't accept this. He wouldn't just let the best thing that had ever happened to him go to his brother without a fight. Well, not this time. Ok, he had to be assertive, and he could beat Roger once and for all.

"This is Caroline, my _girlfriend_," he said, with as much confidence in his voice as he could muster. Maybe if he said it with enough belief, then it would come true? "A-And for once I can definitely say she likes me more than you, so I'll thank you to keep your hands off her."

"Of course, of course," Roger said dismissively, allowing Caroline's hand to leave his. The whole time, his eyes never left Caroline's, who held his gaze curiously in return, studying him.

"Incidentally, there's a single spare seat towards the front of the hall on the mayor's table, with an excellent view of the acts on stage to come. I'd be thrilled if you could join me, Caroline."

Roger made the offer with his most charming smile.

That was it. There was no woman who would choose _him _over Roger, given the choice. "This is going to be my Alligator in the Soup, isn't it?" Heinz sighed, defeated.

Roger looked at his brother, perplexed by his odd choice of words, while Caroline looked Roger up and down for a moment, inspecting him. Doof slumped into his chair, his head sinking into his hands.

"It's okay if you want to go, Cat. Really. You deserve the best. A-And I'll try to make sure my inevitable petty revenge scheme doesn't ruin your day too much… well, Perry the Platypus will just thwart it anyway, so you don't need to worry..."

Caroline's features relaxed into a smile. "Don't worry, Heinz, I'm staying here," she said, with a mischievous grin. "Dull diplomats aren't exactly my type."

"Well, it was nice knowing you, Cat- wait, what?!" Doof burst out in surprise. Had he heard her correctly? She was forgoing Roger in exchange for him? In his entire memory, Doof could not think of a single time that had ever happened before, with anything or anybody.

But this one time made up for all the rest.

"Very well," Roger sighed, a little crestfallen. "Enjoy the evening, Heinz. Caroline."

With one last glance at Caroline, Roger left for his seat. Doof wiped the sweat off his brow in relief as they took their seats, and a platypus-sized waiter served them some appetisers. The reality of the situation sunk in, and for the first time of the night, Doof let himself relax.

"Man, it was good to see Roger get served for once," Doof said, taking bite out of the entree. "But is it true? You really prefer me over Roger? Why? Do you have a thing for unhealthy slouches?"

She winked. "First tell me about the duck in the soup."

* * *

_Caroline's lessons had just ended for the day. She was putting away her exercise book, just as Sebastian always told her. The sun was still out, and Caroline wondered what she would do until tea time. Maybe she would practise her colouring, or clean her room, or read one of her storybooks. _

_Well, Sebastian had said there would be no more lessons for the rest of summer, so she had lots of time to clean her room or start a colouring book. And the story, 'Biff and Chip's Great Adventure', was just there on the shelf, waiting to be finished; she had just got to the bit where Biff and Chip had been shrunk, and they needed to find the magic key before Spot, their dog, could cause trouble._

_It was a shame magic did not exist in real life. She really wished it did, but Sebastian_ _had told her that it did not. Sebastian knew everything._

_She pulled out the book from the shelf and carefully opened it to the right page, the one with the big picture of the key. She was just about to start reading when there was a knock on the door._

_"Do you want to build an aaair plane?"_

_It was Evangeline, no doubt leaning excitedly against the door and inviting her to come and play. Evangeline had invited her out lots of times, but she was a lot older, so Caroline always said no._

_But to build a plane? A picture of one from her lessons popped up in her head. She had been in one before: they were very large and impressive, and it seemed like something that _big _and heavy and metal should not be able to fly. That interested her. _

_Well, it might be fun to make one. After all, she did like making things. _

_As if reading her mind, Evangeline burst in and grabbed her hand, pulling Caroline eagerly outside through the corridors. Caroline was surprised, but didn't resist, as she listened to Evangeline's excited babbling. _

_"I got the idea from TV," she said, as they approached the large main doors. She tried to push it open with her free hand, but it was too heavy. She frowned, let go of Caroline, opened the door, and grabbed her younger sister's arm again, continuing to pull her outside. "It was about the Wright Brothers, who made the first ever plane years ago. So I thought 'hey, we should make our own, and instead of the Wright brothers, we'll be the Worthington Sisters. It'll be fun!'"_

_Caroline saw the obvious flaw in the logic straight away: they already had a private family plane, did they really need another? _

_Oh, but they weren't allowed on that one on weekends, so they could use another one. _

_Ok, so they just had to build it. And there, Caroline spotted another obvious problem: where would they get the materials and instructions from? _

_She was thinking about this as they approached the giant lawn outside. Caroline looked up to see crate after crate piled right on top of the usually immaculately clear grassy space. She let out a gasp. _

_"Cool, huh? Just don't ask me how I got it all," Evangeline said, with a wink. "And I've got the blueprints for them too. They tell us how to make it, just like with our Lego sets."_

_Her excitement was contagious. Caroline found herself now weirdly drawn to those blue bits of construction paper. She peeked over to have a look at them and Evangeline grinned, giving them to her to look at properly. She then headed over to unload the crates, and did so with a practised efficiency. Caroline watched as her older sister began putting parts together and sections of the plane started to take shape, until she felt confident enough to join her. _

_They were done in no time, and the sisters stepped back to admire their work and catch their breath. It was not a commercial style plane, as Caroline had initially thought, but it was a glider, an old-fashioned beast with long wings and an open cockpit for two._

_Evangeline whistled. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" _

_Caroline could only nod, still gazing at their creation. She'd seen planes before but this one seemed to shine. It was theirs. They'd made it together, as sisters. It was special._

"_It was so much more fun to build it with you, instead of on my own," Evangeline said, smiling at her sister. She held her hand, giving it a little squeeze._

_Suddenly, they heard a shouting from mansion. The sisters' heads whipped around. _

_"Hey! What have you kids done to my lawn!?"_

_It was the head gardener, an aging plant-obsessed Frenchman by the name of Cameron. Caroline always thought of him as kind of a crazy uncle. He was playing that role quite well now, as he ran towards them, shouting things at them in some other language - probably French - and waving a stick around. He was not happy, not happy at all. _

_"Quick, into the plane!" Evangeline shouted. The two children rushed towards the machine and clambered into it with some difficulty, the older sister in the front. She flicked various switches and the plane roared to life, shaking with anticipation. It began to move, forward, slowly at first, then it lifted off the ground into the air and just out of Cameron's reach, who stood on the ground, panting and shaking his fist at them up in the air. _

_Caroline clutched her chest, her heart beating quicker than ever before. But it wasn't the kind of beating that happened after exercise. It wasn't because she was scared of Cameron either (he was harmless, really). It was different. It was the kind of heartbeat that she wanted to keep going forever. _

_It was... magic. _

_Yes, the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced it was magic, even though Sebastian had told her the opposite. Evangeline turned to face her, grinning wildly, and Caroline instantly knew she felt the same magic. She felt connected to her sister now, closer than to anything else in her whole life. It was strange, but a good strange. And to think, Evangeline must have done this thing a lot. Caroline regretted not joining her before today. _

_They could barely hear Cameron's shouting from the ground. Caroline took in a deep breath of the fresh air and let the wind pass over her face. She'd been in the air before, but never like this. Was this what the Wright brothers had felt? She wondered what other things she had done that would be made so much better by adding magic. There were so many things to try!_

_But it was ok. She had her sister now. She wouldn't need anybody or anything else. She wouldn't even need get married like her mum and dad. She'd just spend the rest of her life with Evangeline, exploring the magic of the world._

_And it was strange. After they had landed, Cameron immediately raced to bring out Mr. and Mrs. Worthington. Evangeline had planned a celebratory treat for after they'd built the plane, and she rushed off to get it. Content, Caroline looked back at their plane, but before her eyes, it glowed green and then flew off of its own accord. Maybe it was a feature that Evangeline had added. _

_By the time the Worthingtons reached the lawn, all they saw was their two daughters sitting and eating ice cream, any planes surprisingly absent from view._

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**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. And thanks to YOU too, for reading. Take care!**


	4. The Oblivious Platypus

**So far, weekly updates are working fairly well. I wonder how long I can keep these up. **

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Perry began setting the final table for the charity dinner.

Naturally, there were a thousand things he'd rather do: spend time playing with the boys, as they imagined or created something exceptional; watch one of his romance movies, while vegging out on popcorn and snacks; heck, even thwarting one of Doof's schemes at least kept Perry on his toes. Still, if it was his mission to stay disguised as a waiter and keep an eye on Doof when he got here, then that was what he would do. He expertly balanced numerous glasses and cutlery, laying it out in perfect order on the table.

Normally, of course, Doof would bring him, usually trapped, to this kind of event, and ramble constantly the whole time about whatever backstory and evil plan he had prepared. But now he'd be doing it with his new girlfriend. Oh well. It gave him time to think at least.

Suddenly, his arm knocked a wine glass over the edge of the table. Reacting immediately and instinctively, Perry caught it with a free hand. He breathed in relief: had it shattered, it'd have caused him a great deal more headache than he was already putting up with. It was very unlike him. He had to be more careful.

Well, back to analysing yesterday's thwart attempt.

First and foremost, Doof had managed to succeed. Memories of the times that'd happened before flashed across his mind. The Other-Dimensionator. The Ultimate Evil Inator. Perry had been lucky with the last scheme, but who knows what would happen on the next? If he wasn't careful, Doof could end up taking over the Tri-State Area successfully using an army of mechanical penguins.

And it was because of - what was the nickname Doof used? 'Cat'? It seemed she did complicate thwarting after all. Well, at least they still left self-destruct buttons. Cat's tendency for them didn't seem to fit with the rest of her character, but Perry wasn't complaining about that either.

She would also likely recognise him without his fedora, but hopefully he could play around that. Today, for example, he'd have to serve food subtly to avoid being recognised by her.

But why did she give him such an uneasy feeling?

_It's because she's a change to the daily routine, _Perry decided. Yes, that must be it. Cat was a change to his day to day life, and change is always unsettling at first. Nothing to worry about.

It was then that the happy couple entered the hall. Caroline stood with perfect posture, in what looked like an expensive outfit, her hair flowing neatly down to her shoulders, in stark contrast to Doof, with his incredible slouch, shabby suit, and unruly hair. What was it about the eccentric evil scientist that attracted rich women? It was a mystery.

Perry paused on that thought. It's real mystery, actually. Did he have some moves that Perry didn't know about?

Or did Caroline have some ulterior motive?

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw Mayor Doofenshmirtz glide over to them, clearly very taken by Caroline. Perry winced: if it was a contest between Doof and his brother, the winner was already decided.

Well, it was nice while it lasted. But with Caroline gone, things would return to normal. Most probably, Doof would create a revenge scheme he would easily foil. Perry's mind began to

But to Perry's surprise, Caroline stayed with Doof. Intrigued by this, he grabbed two plates of appetisers and approached their table from outside of Cat's line of sight, inconspicuously serving the two their starters while catching a snippet of their conversation.

_"Man, it was good to see Roger get served for once," Doof had said gleefully. "But is it true? You really prefer me over Roger? Why?"_

Honestly? Perry was wondering the same thing.

* * *

_Caroline was a perceptive teenager, a quickly maturing young lady who had thrived on the diet of maths, english, and science that Sebastian had specially designed for her ability. There were also lessons on posture, manners, poise, horse-riding, and, on her parent's request, elementary Tea Theory, all of which Caroline learned quickly if not with much enthusiasm. _

_Evangeline, on the other hand, had grown to be considerably more rebellious. While Caroline was content to follow the rules and explore the mansion, Evangeline would be trying to sneak out. While Caroline was content to learn about Geography and History__**, **__Evangeline went to learn about motorbiking. Worst of all, while Caroline was content to drink tea, Evangeline went for... coffee. _

_Coffee! The very thought of the foul brew made their parents shudder. They'd spend the next 30 years battling Evangeline's rebellious attitude, trying to turn her into a woman more fitting of the Worthington name. In the process, they neglected Caroline, who they reasoned had the Main Character trait and so would flourish independent of them._

_Caroline and Evangeline did still do things together, but Caroline noticed that her sister's projects were getting increasingly rebellious, especially since she'd started hanging around with a bunch of other punk teens._ _Caroline no longer called the feeling magic, but whatever the feeling was, she knew it was diminishing with every passing project. _

_The final straw for Caroline was when Van burst into her room one day. That's what she had started to go by. 'Van'._

_"Hey, Cat! We're blowing up the old abandoned old abandoned playground__**! **__Let's go!"_

_Caroline stared at her in disapproval. Van rolled her eyes. _

_"Don't look at me like that! Nobody plays there any more, it's perfectly safe, and nobody will care. Trust me. Plus, it'll be totally cool!"_

_But Caroline knew why she really wanted to do it. No doubt all of her punk friends would be there, and their parents would be furious when they found out. She crossed her arms and turned away; she'd have no part in this. _

_"Aw, c'mon," she said, pouting in an exaggerated, childish manner. "It'll be just like old times. What do you say?"_

_Caroline sighed. "Get out of here, Van."_

_"Fine, be like that," Van huffed, turning to leave. "I guess the Worthington Sisters doesn't mean anything any more." _

_Caroline felt more than a twinge of guilt at that. _

_But a few months later, she was glad she didn't relent and join her sister. In the ultimate act of rebellion, Van ran away from home and off to the US to start a new life. _

* * *

Perry was observing the evil couple at a distance now. He saw Cat laugh at a presumable backstory and he saw Doof's indignation mixed with an appreciative grin at her teasing trivialisation of his tragic past. The plate of food Perry was holding nearly slid off the hand he was balancing it on, but he managed to keep the food on it in one presentable piece.

Mentally scolding himself once more, he returned his gaze towards the evil couple once more, reminding himself he was supposed to be observing them for evil behaviour. Still, he couldn't help but observe the animated, Phineas-like enthusiasm of Doofenshmirtz, and the calm, Ferb-like air of Caroline. It was also extra amusing that Doof was old enough to be Phineas's father and Cat was old enough to be...

_Oh, you have got to be kidding._

* * *

**Yes, Perry's finally clocked on. Next time, he confirms that Caroline is Ferb's birth mother for sure. ****But what if he finds out that it's not true at all...? **

**The next chapter will be posted soon to make up for the shortness of this one. Until then, take care!**


	5. The Magical Tea

**Whelp. I guess I should never be too confident that I can update in good time. Sorry for the wait! But I'd never leave you guys hanging.**

**Well, except for D(E)PS's 7-month hiatus. And 4th Wall...**

**Anyway! I hope you enjoy this week's update. **

* * *

_After Evangeline left to pursue her own crazy lifestyle in America, Caroline felt herself experiencing an existential crisis. She simply didn't know what to do with herself and her time. She'd gone from building planes and rockets with her sister to watching trite TV shows and horseback riding on her own. Nothing was interesting any more, not like her sister's ideas were. Well, there were the worlds of history and maths and literature and art, but it wasn't the same. The problem was that Caroline didn't just want to read or copy. She wanted to _do_._

_Now that her sister had left, Caroline's parents desperately pushed their remaining Main Character daughter to get into the Worthington tea business. But there was a similar problem. Tea was incredibly boring to Caroline, to put it bluntly. She had no curiosity or drive for it, having had it literally and figuratively shoved down her throat since she was young. Of course, should she voice her less than positive view on tea, she would practically be excommunicated from all of Britain, with little to gain, so she kept quiet._

_Well, out of habit, she did drink it every day, a particular type of brew her parents had once taught her to make. With her current indecisiveness and uncertainty, she was craving some now. Upon entering the currently empty kitchen, she filled a mug fully with water and then with milk, pouring the liquids deftly into a waiting saucepan one after the other. With a practised set of hands, she then added two tablespoons of sugar and two medium-strength (Worthington) tea bags. She opened an overhead cupboard and paused, contemplating whether to choose mint or ginger. Well, she'd had the former the previous day, so she grabbed the ginger and a grater and swiftly grated a generous amount into the saucepan, the fresh root's smell wafting through the air._

_She inhaled deeply. Just making the beverage relaxed her and gave her time to think. _

_She put the saucepan on heat and then sat down, returning to her thoughts. How would she spend her time now that Evangeline had gone? Most of the ideal productive activities involved people, and she did want to avoid them, really. She could make and spend time hanging out with friends, but her family's annoying status as rich and famous meant that any acquaintances she made were of other rich kids who were, frankly, not interesting enough. They were too self-centered. She could pick up a hobby - running, perhaps - but alone, it wouldn't be enough to fill all the time she had. Classes in karate and other martial arts, training discipline and self-defence, would also not be enough to fill all her time. And she didn't feel like exerting herself overly physically anyway. _

_Bah. She didn't need people. She didn't need anyone, didn't want anyone, she thought, almost bitterly. Caroline run a hand through her flowing, emerald hair, cursing it for the attention it drew from her peers and her parents. She was beginning to appreciate her sister's rebellious nature, although Caroline was considerably less zealous than Evangeline and would prefer to avoid people more subtly than brazenly going against instructions and social norms. _

_The tea in the saucepan began to rise slightly, as the milk heated and reached boiling point. Caroline remembered one day being curious as to why it did so. She had read that as water started to boil away from the milk, it left a thick layer of fat and proteins on the surface. More water vapour would build up underneath the layer, pressing upwards, until... WHOOSH. Caroline remembered the shock she felt when it happened the first time, the rush of excitement when she replicated and studied it, the satisfaction from gaining full control and understanding of the process. It was no feeling of 'magic', but it was something. _

_The tea began wooshing upwards, almost in sync with her memory, and Caroline rose swiftly to take it off the heat before it leapt out of the pan, proceeding to remove the tea bags and then sieve out the ginger as she poured the tea into two mugs. She would drink both of them in succession, a habit maintained from the days when she'd drink Van's cup in order to keep her dislike of it secret from their parents. _

_The tea cooled enough and she took one mug, holding it in both hands. She took a small sip and 'ahhh'd in satisfaction. The solution to her problem crystallised in her mind, as if the pieces were put together by the drink._

_She would do science. She would slowly retreat into her own room more and more, emerging only for necessities and to pacify her parents. She would turn her room into her own personal laboratory, immersing herself in the discoveries and creativity of the great minds before her and pushing their work further._

_As she drained the first mug of tea and started on a second, she began planning herself a daily timetable._

* * *

With his free hand, Perry face palmed. Hard. He was reeling at how oblivious he had been. Of _course_ Caroline was Ferb's birth mother. The green hair. The britishness. The refined, quiet aura. Well, maybe that came along with the britishness. But still, he was amazed that he couldn't even realise what seemed now like a given.

But wait a moment. Maybe it wasn't true after all. Maybe Caroline was merely a blood relative. Or maybe she was not even related at all - the image of Princess Baldegunde swam into his mind. And she hadn't given any indication she was a mother, from the conversations he'd heard. No, if he assumed that she was his mother, then he'd end up stuck in one of those comedies where he gets into all sorts of trouble trying to deal with things only for them to go catastrophically wrong by the end with Doof and Caroline laughing at him for his misunderstanding, because _quite obviously_ Caroline dyed her hair and had no genetic history of green hair at all.

Or maybe he'd end up in a tragedy where Caroline discovered that her son lived right in Danville and her reconnecting with her son and once husband would tear the Flynn-Fletchers apart and force Perry's relocation...

Well, either way, Perry's first step was clear. He had to get proof. He continued waiting on tables, lingering closely to Cat and Doof's tables when possible in order to catch any conversation. He took care to stay out of Cat's line of sight, in case she could identify him without his hat.

"So I never touched an iguana again," Doof said, finishing some backstory. "But hey, I've talked for so long about my backstories, don't you want to talk about yours? I wanna know the _what _behind the Cat."

"Well I don't have anything as interesting as lawn gnome duty," she teased.

Perry raised an eyebrow. Surely she had an evil backstory at least?

"But really though," Doof said, persisting. "Haven't you had any nemeses, or bad dates, or, say, a marriage resulting in a kid and a divorce?"

If Perry didn't know any better, he'd guess that Doof already suspected something, but this was a scientist who couldn't identify a platypus without his hat even if he took it off in front of him.

Perry paused behind Cat's chair to hear her response. This was it: the moment she revealed her past, either confirming the rumour or debunking it.

She pondered for a moment.

A tired Perry trudged into his hideout, hanging his waiter's outfit back up in the portable closet. It'd been a long day, but it was not yet over. Caroline's response to Doof's question swam into mind. "None that I can remember," she had said.

It was not a response he was expecting. It wasn't quite a denial, it was more like she was avoiding the truth. Well, the truth was about to come out either way. Carefully, he took a glass from his pocket; it was the one Caroline had used that afternoon. He laid it into the computer scanner compartment and booted the program to compare the DNA on it to Ferb's, which was already on file. Apprehensively, he hit start.

_DNA too British. Unable to compare data... just kidding. 99.9999% possibility of Caroline Fletcher being the mother of Ferb Fletcher._

Perry slumped back into his chair. It was as he had feared. The comedy possibility collapsed, leaving only the tragedy outcome as the ugly possibility.

And it didn't just threaten Perry's way of life. There were implications for Doof too. Had Caroline lied to Heinz about her history? Why? Was it to spare his feelings, or was there another, more sinister, reason?

If Caroline hadn't mentioned something this important to him, what else could she be hiding?

* * *

_6:00 am and Caroline's eyes flickered open. Yawn, sit up, stretch. She slipped out of bed and pulled on the jogging bottoms laid carefully on the chair before. 6:05 am and she was outside, for her morning run._

_She was back through the door by 6:45, her breathing quickly returning to normal. Strip, shower, change. 7:00 am and she was downstairs, breakfast prepared already by the fantastic kitchen team. Tea, jam, croissants. The morning paper was laid precisely alongside the mug and plate. _

_Just as she'd done over the last 2 years. _

_It was Caroline's proudest achievement, really, her daily structure. It had taken months to get into, to build up the stamina to take a 40 minute run without collapsing, to structure her time so that she didn't just do experiments until 4 in the morning and not keep a proper or measured record of it. She'd reached a point where everything had its place in her life. _

_Did she miss the times she had spent as a kid with her sister? Well, she tried not to think about it. _

_She opened the paper and began reading, sipping tea as she did so. Usually there was nothing interesting in it - her entire routine from waking until breakfast was mostly to give her time to her thoughts, to ponder over yesterday's experiments and plan new ones._

_But today a particular advert caught her eye._

_Secret Agent Wanted  
__The Organisation Without a Cool Acronym is now hiring new recruits interested in battling the forces of evil!  
__Applicants must be intelligent, able to work with animals, and not be mad scientists.  
__Human applications accepted.  
__Applicants should visit the OWCA Headquarters at 222 Baker Street.  
__(If you are not applying, pay no attention to this advert.)_

_Caroline stared at the advert. It was so ludicrous, so incredibly random. For some reason, Evangeline flashed across Caroline's mind. _

_Of _course_ she wasn't considering it. It would be far too great a deviation from her timetable. It was probably a joke. If it wasn't a joke, then this Organisation Without a Cool Acronym ('OWCA'?) were far too unprofessional and disorganized for Caroline's liking. She didn't need a job. She never had any desire to become a secret agent. It would cut into her experimentation time. There was absolutely no reason for her to give the advertisement a second thought, a hundred reasons to ignore it entirely._

_The next day, she caught the bus to Baker Street._

* * *

**Yes, Caroline is in fact Ferb's birth mother. But I thought making it a clear plot point was a good idea so that you know there's not going to be 'she's not really the mother' shenanigans towards the end. **

**Oh, also, the tea described by Caroline is indeed legit. It's how I drink tea. It's a bit of effort, but it's enough that I can't drink tea English any more on account of the difference in taste.**

**Let me know what you're thinking of the story so far, be it a criticism or a compliment! Oh, and if you have yet to watch Night of the Living Pharmacist and want to, PM me. It's pretty darn good.**

**Until next time, take care.**


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